How was I going to escape this pit?
The clouds had decided to gather as I was hiking on a well-traveled path through the woods. The weather had only succeeded to match my mood as my thoughts stumbled through the dark recesses of my mind. I had failed again. My screw-ups multiplied like a pile-up on the I-90 on a foggy day.
How could I be so stupid? How could I let this happen again? When will I ever learn? Will my spouse ever stop being angry with me?
The darkness in my mind was quite comparable to the darkness in this forest. The lies assaulted me. The twisted truths pelted judgements upon my head.
Soon I could no longer see the path for the tears: the tears that seemed to constantly flow. What good was I? I was of no use to my family. I only caused crisis and pain. The one that I had married no longer loved me. How could they? Why would they continue to love such a failure? That was why this would be my last hike into the backcountry.
I had left my keys in the ignition. I would no longer need my car. Today I planned a one-way trip to the cliffs where I would hurl myself into nothingness. The void promised to be a welcome sanctuary compared to the torment. Accusations continued to entangle like the brush I shook off my legs.
Suddenly as I broke free from the brush, I found myself struggling for balance at the edge of a large pit. Flailing my arms I fought for a good foothold, but suddenly I was falling.
I felt it happening slowly, but quickly. I kept wondering when I would reach the bottom. Surely my end would come much more quickly than I planned. And still I fell. Without warning my body pelted the bottom and everything went black. I was free.
I have no idea of the time that had passed before I opened my eyes. I wasn’t dead yet? Is this my punishment for my pathetic life. Pain screamed from all over my body. I was certain every bone was broken.
Looking up, I could see the hole a hundred feet above me. How did I survive this? Can’t I even succeed in death? Physical pain then overwhelmed me, and I sank back into the merciful darkness.
My dreams tormented me. My monsters stalked and gave chase. I was running. Constantly running but it seemed like I could not get away.
The monsters in my nightmare abruptly morphed into fire. I could feel their heat and heard the crackling as they consumed all they touched. As the flames grew closer I screamed and flailed my arms in an attempt to eradicate them.
I lurched when I felt a hand touch me. The touch felt like warmth and safety and so I opened my eyes.
There was a man bent over me peering into my eyes, “Are you okay? I think you were having a bad dream.” He reached to straighten a blanket that was now covering me. I felt warmth to my right and heard a familiar crackling.
Slowly I turned my head to see a campfire with something cooking over it. I painfully returned my gaze to the man’s face. “Oh, the fire?” the man continued, “Yes, I started a pot of fish stew, but it won’t be ready for awhile so maybe you could take another nap. Sleep is good for the healing. Don’t worry! I will be right here.”
I opened my mouth to protest but then I became aware of how tired I really was. I sank into a deep but more blissful sleep.
“Hey, dinner’s ready!” Opening my eyes again, I could see the man once again leaning over me, this time holding a bowl and spoon. I hesitantly opened my mouth, and he began to feed me a palatable stew brimming with a potpourri of flavors that pleased my tongue and my stomach. Curiously, I glanced up at him only to meet his eyes.
He seemed to know what I was going to ask, “The fish? Oh, it’s a variety of salmon, cod, mahi mahi, perch and mackerel.” He smiled and me and seemed to anticipate my next question, “I’ve always had a knack for fishing. In fact, I met my closest friends while fishing.”
“How did you find me?”
“I saw you fall.” This answer astounded me as I thought I was alone in the wood. I wanted to question him further but my eyes started to grow heavy once more. Before I fell asleep, I glanced at the opening above. How did he climb the fifty feet to me? I saw no rope. I pondered this as I once more allowed the sleep to overtake me.
When I awoke, I could see the moon shining through the hole thirty-five feet above my head. Turning my head, I saw the man slicing homemade bread. Bread? “How did you get all this food?? First the fish and now the bread?”
He gazed at me, smiling, “It’s one of my family’s specialties.”
“But are you backpacking or something that you have bread?” I looked around but could see no backpack,
“I’m live close to here. Here, have a piece. It will give you energy like the fish gave you strength.” He held a piece, and I took it, gingerly taking a bite. I was amazed at the freshness and flavor. Obviously, this bread was only made today, but how?
I could see he wasn’t eating, but had contented himself with watching me enjoy the bread, “Aren’t you eating?”
“Naw, I don’t really get hungry. I would rather help you.”
“Help me?”
Nodding, he pointed up, “I want to help you get out of this pit you seemed to have fallen into.”
Glancing up, I become aware that the top was only twenty feet above my head. I stared at it, pondering the distance. I looked back at him, “I think my mind is playing tricks on me.”
“Does your mind do that a lot?”
“What?”
He smiled with compassion, “Play tricks on you? Lie to you? Assault you with groundless accusations?” I looked down, mulling over his words as he continued, “Where were you going on this hike of yours?”
I looked up to see him gaze at me with kindness on his face. I looked down, feeling ashamed.
Touching my arm gently he continued, “Hey there is no reason to feel guilty. You had reached your lowest point in life and felt there was no way out of your pit, but I am here to tell you that there is.” He leaned in, “I have counseled a lot of people who lost their way: an auditor, prostitutes, bigots and even someone who hated me and tried to kill my friends.”
“Are you a counselor?”
He grinned, “Some have called me that.” He paused, “Look, I am not here to judge you but to help you find real life through God. I came to bring you light in this dark pit. There is freedom out here. I want to mend your broken heart and adopt you into my family. I’ve told you all this so that, trusting God, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But be encouraged! God has conquered the world.”
Tears slid down my cheeks, “But why would he want me? A screw-up? A nobody!”
“God shaped you first inside, then out; He formed you before you were born! Body and soul, you are marvelously made! What a creation! He knows you inside and out, including all 206 bones in your body; He knows exactly how you were made, bit by bit, how you were sculpted from nothing into something special and unique. Like an open book, he watched you grow from conception to birth; all the stages of your life were spread out before him. He prepared for you before you were even born! Because you are precious in his eyes, and honored, and he loves you and he sacrificed his only son for you.” He touched my head, “He is waiting for you to come to him. He stands with arms open wide waiting for you to return to him. And as you journey from this desert of despair, his Spirit is abiding in your midst so you need not to fear!’
“But how do I get out of this pit? The walls go straight up and there is no place to put your feet.” I still was hesitant.
“Take my hand and stand up.” He held out his hand and I took it. My body ached as he helped me to sit and then stand. His eyes were kind as I gazed into Him. He released my arm and I looked around.
In total astonishment I found myself standing in a dry shallow pit in the forest. In front of me was a path I had never seen before but seemed to be the only way out. After he helped me step from the pit, I followed the path for awhile before entering a clearing and in that clearing was a small country church. It appeared worship was in progress as I made my way up the steps and into the entry where I was greeted with a chorus of worshippers singing.
He was there all the time
He was there all the time
Waiting patiently in line
He was there all the time.
Time after time I went searching for peace in some void.
I was trying to blame
All my ills on this world I was in.
Surface relationships used me ’til I was done in.
And all of the while someone was begging
To free me from sin.
He was there all the time
He was there all the time
Waiting patiently in line
He was there all the time.
Never again Will I look for a fake rainbow’s end.
Now that I have the answer
My life is just starting to rhyme.
Sharing each new day with Him
Is a cup of fresh wine.
And oh what I missed, He’s been waiting right there all the time.
He was there all the time
He was there all the time
Waiting patiently in line
He was there all the time.
