Did you ever leave a doctor’s office frustrated because your doctor did not seem to listen to you? Did he minimize or ignore your complaints?
He wasn’t listening!
From 2006-2008 I had been complaining to my Primary Care Physician about various issues I was having in my abdomen. (For this article I will refer to him as PC#1) I constantly heard, “It’s IBS. Take fiber supplements.” or similar off-the-cuff responses to issues I was having.
I even was told to do leg lifts when my legs started going numb.
Not once was my abdomen checked. I kept telling him that I would get something similar to a stomach virus during PMS. He insinuated it was all in my head. When I brought up something else, he snidely asked, “Well, where did you hear that?”
Finally Heard!
In September of 2008 I had gotten really sick during PMS and we ended up at a female doctor in the practice. She actually listened, took the time to check my abdomen, and ordered an ultrasound because something didn’t feel right.
I Was Right!
It turned out…. I had Stage Three Ovarian Cancer. And my legs getting numb? It was because a tumor the size of a cantaloupe was pressing on my spine. I never returned to that doctor. He has since retired.
Primary Care Physician 2
Fast forward several years. I had a different primary care physician whom I will refer to as PC#2.
At that time, I often had trouble with my ears clogging that they needed professionally drained. I made a comment to PC#2 about having smaller ear canals because I had been told that before, he rudely looked at me and snapped, “You do NOT have smaller ear canals! They are the same size as everyone else’s.” Taken aback, I was not sure what to say and dropped the subject.
An Abusive Husband
Meanwhile my husband and I were having issues and when PC#2 asked me how my husband was, I told him my husband was narcissistic to which he sneered, “Well, we all have a little narcissism in us.” Again, I was not sure what to say, and, being subject to years of trauma, I was afraid to say anything else but I was very disappointed that he did not seem very concerned. He was also my husband’s PC doctor, so I suppose he felt sympathetic towards him.
Did He Care?
About six months ago, when his nurse asked me if I felt safe in my home, I told her “no” and she very compassionately asked me other questions and gave me some resources. However, when she mentioned it to the doctor, he ignored it. Once again, disappointment filled me and I felt like he did not care.
Read more about my abuse story HERE.
He Lied!
Then one day I was once again at the family practice for clogged ears, but this time with another doctor in the practice, who irrigated them and gave me an antibiotic. When we sat down again at the end of the visit, I asked him why my ears always clog. He looked at me and said, “Because you have tiny ear canals.”
I was livid!
Why? Why do doctors feel such a need to prove their expertise that they make you deny what you are truly feeling and why do they maintain the need to bully and lie? It was like I was being desecrated all over again. Why do people we trust have to treat us like trash? Why do they presume a need to lord over us? Yes, they studied for years for a medical license, but that license does not give them a right to deny what we feel.
Fired!
That afternoon I was on the phone switching my Primary Care Physician to a female in the practice. Rather than make a fuss, I just told them I wanted a female physician. I did not feel like dealing with any trouble (for him) that could result from it.
So what can a woman do to when a doctor chooses to ignore us or will not acknowledge we know a little about our own bodies?
Never take a doctor at his word if you have any nudging that he is wrong.
The doctor is not God just because he has a Medical Degree. He is not all knowing, and he certainly cannot judge he our own bodies feel.
Get a second or even a third opinion.
Sometimes another doctor will listen to us. Maybe he or she might have more compassion for us.
Most times, but not every time, a female physician will be more willing to listen to us and at least give us the benefit of the doubt by checking us out.
Females tend to be more empathetic than males although there are always exceptions. A female is more in tune with women’s bodies because they’re, well, women!
Journal how you feel and the circumstances surrounding it.
Keep careful records. Doctors often appreciate documented facts.
Gaslighting
We do not deserve to be further abused or neglected by our physicians, especially if we received similar treatment from our spouses. When they deny what we are feeling and make us feel like it is all in our heads, it is a form of gaslighting and should not be tolerated. Doctors are not God, but merely men with a license with clues to guess the possibilities.
I had to fire primary care physician twice Share on X
Do not allow a doctor to make you feel stupid. You are not stupid but the voice for what you are feeling. Don’t let someone silence that voice!
