My Cancer Blog

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 10, 2008
Stunned………

I haven’t been feeling well for at least this past month. I went to the doctor on Monday who sent me for an ultrasound. They found a large mass behind my uterus and a cyst on my ovary.
Tonight, I must get an MRI and I go to the OB next Wednesday. This morning I spent doing.
something I never thought I would have to do…. an ovarian cancer screen. I am really bummed because I just started my new job, and I am afraid of what this will mean. I will probably need to be out several weeks as I will need a C-section size incision due to the size of the mass so please keep me in prayer as we make decisions.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2008
Quick update

The large mass is on one ovary, and I have another cyst off the other one. The large one is benign tumor/cyst. They use both terms, so I don’t know quite what to call it. It is 10 cm big, and it is pushing on all the other parts making life uncomfy. The MRI was not fun. That is all I will say about that, but, if you ever need one, you can turn your head up to see out the other end and that helps with claustrophobia immensely. I am to have surgery to remove both on October 30…. probably hysterectomy. Will be in a couple of days. Sorry I have not been on but the stress of just not knowing was making me exhausted plus this thing inside me does not help with the tiredness. Been feeling some better since we now know what it is and what is being done about it. Now I just want it OUT!

MONDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2008
Update on me

Surgery is on Thursday. They are hoping I am home Saturday….maybe Sunday. Not sure exactly which ovary tumor is on due to conflicting reports from MRI and U/S. Will probably remove uterus but will try to save an ovary depending on the lab tests from pathology.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2008
My surgery

My surgery on Thursday did not go like they hoped. The tumor was even larger than anticipated. It almost filled an 8 1/2 x 11 cake pan. The anticipated 1 1/2 – 2-hour surgery ended up taking four.

There were some aspects with the tumor that looked suspicious, so they sent it out for testing, and we are still waiting the results from that. Because of their suspicions, not only did they remove the uterus, but also both ovaries, some lymph nodes and a few other things. They could not use my previous C-section cut because of the immense size. The incision runs all the way up to like two inches above my belly button.

I came home on Sunday.

I go to the dr. tomorrow to hopefully get my train tracks down my belly removed. Will try and
update later. Get tired very easily!

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2008
Telling kids tonight……..

This is going to be really hard. Tyler already suspects that I have it and I have a feeling Nicole knows something is up as well.  Tyler asked later if I have cancer that everyone keeps asking how I was doing. When he asked, I just burst into tears because I just hate to hurt them so. Anyway, prayers for that would be appreciated.

Took a couple of walks today although the last one almost did me in because a neighbor down the street stopped us to chat. She also has cancer, and it does not look promising for her.

We have been so blessed with family and friends, particularly church family, dropping by with meals and gifts, sending cards or flowers. It’s been really touching how so many have stepped forward to show that they care. We aren’t sure when we will be able to sit through a service again…. without crying.

There are so many songs that just trigger you. When the OBGYN first confirmed that the
tumor was cancer last Thursday and we got out to the car and the song, Jesus Bring the Rain came on and I started crying. I’ve always been musically inclined, so He’s been putting not only verses into my head when I need it but songs as well. I put the You Tube to that song below. I think if you don’t know the song, you will see why it’s so special. It was special to me before all of this ever started and maybe that was a God thing. I love the video that goes with it.

I went to work the other day to visit the ladies and the first thing my boss said was, “You’re in your PJ’s!” I grinned rather sheepishly and told her that I have never been one to wear pajamas in public but that all changed when I had surgery mostly because it’s more comfortable on my rather large  incision. (groin area to 2 inches above the belly button.) Funny how something can completely change your view.

BTW, I think I did lose 10-15 pounds from this and that’s a praise…. I guess.

On a more humorous note, the squirrels have decided to take advantage of my convalescence and have been attacking my bird feeder food court in full force. We keep chasing them away, There was 6-8 out there. We put Coby (dog) on squirrel duty over lunch time.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2008
Rough year for my family

This has been such a rough year for our family. Almost a year ago my aunt Lois found out she had stomach cancer. She had been a dear member to the entire family and was sorely missed when she passed six months later. Over the summer Norm was having some health issues and then my grandfather passed out and hit his head and ended up in trauma for awhile.

While he was in the hospital another aunt was discovered to have cancer. (Both aunts related through marriage) I found out last night that she has now passed on. Nicole also had health issues this fall and before I could breathe a sigh of relief that it was all over I ended up with this.

I told my sister that it’s just all surreal. It doesn’t seem real and yet it is terrifying all in the same
moment. One of those things you would think would never happen to you.

Coby almost had squirrel for breakfast.  Maybe now the latest chatter around here will not be about the “free-for-all buffet” but instead about the vicious “guardian of the feast”.

It went well telling Nicole and Tyler. They already suspected anyway. Now I need to tell Lexi. I did inform all their guidance counselors as well. The kids almost seemed relieved to hear the truth from our lips than continue trying to decipher all the veiled questions about me.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2008

Not exactly what we hoped.

We went to the pathologist today but didn’t exactly get a positive report but not totally a negative one either. It was hard to get past all the extremely long words he was throwing around but basically, he told us they had found some other cells in my abdomen that should not be there.

They are waiting for the result from the section he had sent to a colleague at Penn State Medical Center who he says knows more than he does about these rare types of tumors. They will determine the rating for it. If it is a 1, there will be no action taken, but if it is a 2 o r3, then I will be admitted to the hospital for a couple of days of heavy chemo. He told me that will not be pleasant and will probably make me pretty sick. So now we have to wait two more weeks. Sigh… so we wait….
I had been thinking about faith recently. It’s hard to just trust for a positive result. It
reminded me of when Ricky Bolden spoke at our church last spring. He had a neat saying about faith but I couldn’t remember what it was so I emailed our pastor to see if he remembered. Not only did he remember, but he had a plaque with it on…. which he told us to come and get.

Faith: Acting like it is even though it’s not in hope that it might be.

The dr. told me meanwhile that I really need to work on getting my strength back because I’m going to need it. Right now, everything wipes me out. The incision went to 2 inches above my belly button so it’s rather huge.  I felt depressed after he(DR) told me I had to wait and it wasn’t that great of news but, once I got home, had something to eat and a short nap, I felt much better.

Right now, we have a reprieve with the kids schedules. Tyler doesn’t start basketball till right before Thanksgiving … soccer is over for now. Band also just got over this past weekend so all Nicole has is play practice and all have church on their respective nights.

Thank you so much, everyone, for the encouraging words, hugs, meals, flowers, chocolate and cards.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2008
Beautiful morning

It’s really strange how dogs know when something is going on. Coby not only has been gentler with me but more protective of me as well. A few times I broke down, he showed up to nuzzle me.

We’ve been getting a kick the way, when we send him outside, you can see the shadows on the neighbor’s walls of the squirrels scattering like sheep being hunted by a wolf.

The stories that have been coming to us of similar experiences with cancer are overwhelming and uplifting. I think we should put them in a book. Most are from our church, and I think they would go a long way toward promoting the Cancer Support Group our church has started.

I have decided that, once I am through with this, I wish to be a part of that group to encourage others.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2008
Rainy Day……….

It’s been kind of a blah day. The kids only had a half day of school and then we had parent-teacher conferences with the teachers from our two youngest who are still in elementary school. Even after using the elevator, I was still exhausted, which could be expected. It felt good to go home, lie down and sleep. Unfortunately, with the rain, that meant no walks.

I am trying now to resort to 6 small meals rather than 3 larger ones. I want to see if I will feel better that way. I just feel too uncomfortable eating a larger meal.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2008
Rainy day………..

I did manage to get a four block walk in between systems. It felt good to walk and it was nice to get outside. They’ve had a tornado watch all afternoon.

I doubt I will go to church tomorrow. For one I think it would tire me out too much. Plus I want to stay away from any viruses to try and get me healthy.

Been thinking a lot about the song, While I’m Waiting. I guess that’s what we’ve been trying to do while waiting for the test results even though that is not the original intent of the song in the movie.

I’ve been feeling a lot of prayers going up and I think I’ve felt a lot more at peace about it…. just
reflective at times. 🙂 Anyway, thank you for your prayers. They mean a lot!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2008
Snow flurries in forecast….

Cold outside today!
Yesterday I overdid some through a shopping trip for Christmas presents that didn’t exactly go as planned. After coming home, I rested the remainder of the day and then felt much better.

I went to church this morning to weigh in on the scales that our 3D uses. Was stunned to see I had lost approx. 20 pounds since before the surgery.

I have been hearing some very positive things about the reputation of my oncologist so that makes us feel better about that.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2008
Cabin Fever

Is that a fox
Or maybe a beaver?
Is seeing things a sign
Of Cabin Fever?
I’m stuck in a house
with just a Retriever
Guess I’m suffering effects
of cabin fever!

Wow, that was pretty good. I wonder if this guy from church who writes songs could help me put it to music. We got to take a walk today. It was pretty cold but I was happy just to get out.
I’ve had some ask if we heard anything……. no……. I really hope they have some kind of answer on Monday.

So I was good and worked on some of my Christmas cards…… till I ran out. I also usually write a family newsletter for family and friends who live far away or that we don’t see often. I started it the other day and need to work on that.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2008
Snow!

Woke up this morning with snow. It doesn’t usually lay this early in the season around here. Norm says that means we will get 21 more significant snowfalls. Not sure if I like the sound of that!

I went to my job to get my paystub It was nice to see everyone this morning at work. It was also nice to get out. It’s been hard to get a walk in with the cold and now the snow. I was going to go to church to walk in the activity center but they closed it for renovations.

A lady brought a meal by for us this afternoon, but I may save it for tomorrow lunch when hopefully everyone will be home. A friend brought some groceries yesterday including treats for Coby. It was funny to see him actually stand on his hind legs to sniff the treat bag. He usually won’t put that much effort into standing for anything.

Been getting bored and frustrated because I want to do my own housework and it drives me crazy that I can’t. Once I get the okay, this house is getting a good cleaning because I never got around to doing fall housecleaning…… which means washing the windows.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
Got out some today

We ran up to K-mart to get Lexi and Tyler each a new winter coat. I had to sit down when they
started through the toys. Then we went to a local market and the supermarket. I lasted through most of the supermarket and then went out to the van to sit down. I was pleased, though, that I didn’t feel quite as exhausted as before so I will take that as a sign of improvement.

We are unsure yet if we should try church. I’ve gotten a bit of something in my throat so we are
somewhat worried about that. Will wait till Monday to ask the oncologist if we should be worried about colds. I just get mostly a hoarse sore throat. My girls both have colds so I was worried I was getting that.

It was nice to get out though………

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2008
Nervous about tomorrow

We go to see the oncologist tomorrow to see what our next step will be. That is when we will get a rating for the cancer. Really nervous about the whole thing. It is so hard to believe that something like that is even lurking inside of me. Aside from how I felt this summer and fall, I just found it hard to believe something like this could grow inside of me and you just don’t know it.

I guess in hindsight there were clues, but the doctors thought it was other things. (Like my back hurting this spring…. they thought I had merely reinjured the injury from the fall before…….. and they wrote the tingling in my legs off as something else……All this time it could have been the tumor pressing against my spinal cord……how could we not know that?) You just don’t think about something being wrong with you especially if it does not run in your family.

Now it opens up a whole new can of worms. Should my two sisters go and get tested? What about my children?

And I’m not sure how to handle colds now. I’ve always been one for letting them run their course but do I need to be more aggressive with them if there is a chance they could make me really sick?

Catherine Baker Knoll was supposed to be doing well with her cancer and then got ill and passed on. I’ve been having something in my throat that I am hoarse and keep losing my voice so I’m not sure how worried I should be about that. I guess these are all questions to ask the doctor tomorrow.

Everything just seems so up in the air.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2008
Results….not what we hoped.

We were in to see the oncologist this morning and while they still do not have the full report back yet, it was decided that the cancer was a Stage 3 and I will need heavy chemo. We have opted to start this chemo in January.

For now I will need three treatments. I will have to be in the hospital three days every three weeks to get a chemo called B.E.P.??? We appreciate all of the prayers that have gone out on our behalf. Continued prayer for the whole family would be very much appreciated especially as we try to sort through this new information.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2008
As it slowly sinks in…….

It’s been a painful day as we processed the news from yesterday. It is a very scary place to be in. We told Nicole and Tyler I will be getting chemotherapy in January, but we tried to keep it as straight and simple as possible. Tyler wanted to know if I was going to shed like the dog. I think it was an attempt at humor. They are handling it well so far as I know. The counselor called Nicole in to talk to her right away this morning. The counselor has been in contact with Tyler since an earlier incident in September before all this was known.
Yet the love and support from family and friends has been overflowing. You don’t think you matter so much until something like this happens and then suddenly everyone wants to be there for you and help in some way and that alone is enough to bring on the tears because the support is just so strong.

My one sister, Glenda, came over today bringing along another sofa to replace the one we have that was in horrible condition and extremely uncomfortable to lie on. It was an extra one they had around their house but it is such an improvement on the old one we had. I think I spent almost the whole day on it and my back wasn’t throbbing near as much as before.

Glenda also cleaned the house good for me. It needed it really bad since I had not been able to do a great job this fall not only because of working but our vacuum had broken, and we had only gotten a new one right before the surgery. It needed a good thorough fall cleaning anyway and Glenda did a great job on it.
Nicole is anxious to get decorating for Christmas. Norm had told her that would be her job this year since it was out for me. She also wants to bake cookies. We usually baked cookies over Thanksgiving vacation, and I was feeling bad because they couldn’t have that fun this year. I think Nicole is determined she’s going to do it anyway.

It’s just been really hard today thinking about one’s mortality. I keep thinking about my aunt and I know she was a lot sicker I am by now, but I am trying to stay away from internet sites about it
because reading about worst case scenarios is just scary. I want to return to work. I want life to get back to normal. I want to look forward to seeing my kids play sports this spring or watching Nicole in the spring musical because it sounds promising that she will get a good part because of how well she projects her voice.
When I asked the doctor if I could do activities or stay away from people to avoid sickness he looked at me and said, “Go and do what you normally do. Live your life.”
It has been hard to be the center of attention because my introverted self never liked being there but it does feel good to know that people care about you.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2008
As we go plodding along………

We have all been trying to take it in and comprehend in our own way……. Tyler’s school counselor has been in communication with him before we even found out partially because of anxiety issues he had been having with a certain class. She’s been having lunch with him once a week. When we told the kids on Monday that I will need chemo, his response was, “Are you going to shed like the dog?” While most times he reminds me of his dad that is one way he reminds me of me…… when it gets stressful, make a joke of it. That’s how I often respond to stress.
Nicole went to see her counselor yesterday on her own. The only reason we found out she was even there was because her first block teacher reported she was absent, and the school called us. We told them to check again figuring out where she actually was, and they found her. I think she is trying to hide her fears from us, so we don’t know how upset she is about it. I’m glad she found someone she felt comfortable talking to. Unfortunately, she is old enough to figure out what all of this could potentially mean.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 2008
Decorating For Christmas

Yesterday: The kids really were in the mood to decorate and, while it was hard for us to get in the mood, we wanted to keep things as normal as possible for them….. So Nicole spent most of Saturday decorating and then we headed for a local store selling trees to pick out this year’s “winner”.

I went to church for the first time this morning. Today marks a month since the surgery. It wasn’t too bad as far as emotional. I sat through most of it. I think it would have been harder if they had sung more of the regular songs but, now, they are singing more Christmas songs. Greeted some people after church but I was soon ready to sit down again.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 3, 2008
Return to surgeon.

Today we went back to the surgeon. She is pleased with my progress and told me I should really start feeling well over these next two weeks. In fact she cleared me to return to work on the 15th.

After we left there we stopped at the cancer society. We were recommended to go there. We brought home lots of stuff to read although they did not have much on ovarian cancer. Then we were halfway home when we remembered we forgot to get a note from the surgeon to return to work so we turned around and went back to get it.

Drove the whole way back to our hometown to give my boss the paper. She is being very accommodating with me returning to work which I am glad because I was worried about tiring out.

Then we got home, and I realized I did not have my purse. Called around and discovered I left it at cancer society which made me mad at myself that we had to turn around and run back into the city again! I needed it because it had my wallet with insurance cards and my checkbook happened to be in there. There wasn’t any money or credit cards so I wasn’t worried on that end but I knew I needed my insurance cards, checkbook, keys and driver’s license because I was finally cleared to drive. So we drove all the way back and then stopped for lunch on the way home.

Other than being tired, I feel great. It’s just hard to believe.

We had asked for the surgeon report and the preliminary path report. I told our surgeon that I am a little frustrated that they don’t have results yet and she assured me that because of its rarity they needed to know exactly what it was to treat me properly and get a proper prognosis.

I read in the path report that my type was more seen in teenagers…that it is rarely seen in women my age and I wasn’t sure if I was able to take solace in that. We will need to look up a lot of words before we can even begin to understand the rest of the path report. I wish there was a Babel Fish translator to put doctor reports into plain English.

So now we have to go through the holidays pretending there isn’t a giant thing hanging over us. We want it to be normal for the kids as much as possible.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2008
Thespian

Tonight we went to see the high school’s production of “The Mouse That Roared”. Nicole played the Page. It was a rather amusing role and everyone seemed to enjoy her performance…. and no, being her mother does not make me biased in the smallest of bits.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 7, 2008
Windy and C-C-COLD!

Went to church today. I can tell my strength is returning because I was able to stand through all the songs during Worship. Last week I had to sit down after two. Spent the afternoon watching the Eagles and Steelers Games on TV. Nice relaxing afternoon!
Tomorrow I need to go for some bloodwork and need to stop at a nearby store while we are in the area.
It’s been stressful… we have our good days and bad days. It’s hard to believe that while I am feeling so good that there is something so bad growing inside. And that while feeling so good I have to go into the hospital in five weeks to take medicine that will make me feel bad. In some ways it just doesn’t make sense. It’s strange looking at the booklets we got from the cancer society and the catalog for supplies in case I lose my hair. I know I need to get on it and do some research so we can go to the doctor fully equipped with questions that will hopefully sound remotely smart.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 8, 2008
Comfort

Arms Of Love

(Gary Chapman, Michael W. Smith, Amy Grant)

Lord, I’m really glad you’re here
Hope You feel the same
When You see all my fear
And how I fail
I fall sometimes
It’s hard to walk in shifting sand
I miss the rock and find
I’ve nowhere left to stand
I start to cry
Lord, please help me
Raise my hand, so You can pick me up
Hold me close, hold me tighter

[Chorus:] I have found a place where I can hide
It’s safe inside
Your arms of love
Like a child who’s held throughout a storm
You keep me warm
In Your arms of love

Storms will come and storms will go
Wonder just how many storms
It takes until I finally know
You’re here always
Even when my skies are far from gray,
I can stay
Teach me to stay there
[Chorus]

Songs like this often come to my mind when I am in need of comfort from the Father. People often ask how I’m doing. There are a couple of answers. Physically, from the hysterectomy, I feel like I am gaining strength every day. Emotionally, we have our good and bad days. I’m already tired of needles and I didn’t even get to the chemo yet.

Then when I think about the children who have to endure this when they have cancer, it just makes me so sad for them. Its bad enough to be a whiny adult but to know there are children enduring this on a daily basis even as I write this…. you have got to give those kids so much credit because they are being thrown into a situation they don’t want to be in and should not have to. No one should have to but it happens and it’s just harder to imagine a child enduring the pain and discomfort to rid themselves of a horrific disease.

There is a little girl from my church who has been treated for leukemia and is in remission. Every time I think about what I may have to go through, I think of her. If she could go through it, so can I. You might say she is my inspiration. I want to look at survivors who have gone through this before me especially brave children like her and be inspired to endure.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 9, 2008
Pray for Gavin!

I want to send out a call for special prayer for Gavin, age 7, who is fighting Burkitt’s lymphoma. He had been in remission but it has returned and none of their cancer treatments seem to be working. He is set to come home under care of Hospice. Please also keep his family in prayer as this is a hard, hard place to be.

We had gone to my fil’s this morning because he needed help with something. We also stopped at a local reusit shop to get some pants/trousers for work.

I think spirits were better today than yesterday. One thing that came out of it is that Norm and I had gotten so much closer and we are learning a lot about communication and being open and honest with each other. We are also eating healthier and are learning about pride.

I’ve been a lot more emotional. I don’t know if it’s from the hysterectomy or the knowledge of cancer or both. Things that make me cry? Seeing the hurt and pain in the eyes of my family, seeing children suffer, the overwhelming generosity of friends, being told by a complete stranger that we have been in their prayers, being told by a family member that they love me…… and the list goes on……

What is really sad is the people who are struggling with it and do not have the support we have. I’ve been reading blogs and you can tell who do not have the support of love and prayers just by the language and expressions used. You just want to reach out and help them…. give them the same thing that others have given us. Give them the same hope.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2008
Went out on a date last night

Norm and I decided we needed to have a night out last night since it’s been so rough lately. We went to see an early movie, “Four Christmases”; and then to supper at Hoss’s Steak and Sea House. Norm brought me some roses which I thought was really sweet.

Heigh Ho Heigh Ho
Off to work I go……..

Going back for a few hours this morning.
Was rough getting Lexi out of bed this morning. Lately she’s been complaining about having to get up early. I told her, “Don’t you remember last year when you would cry and cry because Tyler and Nicole got to go to school and you didn’t?”
To which Lexi replied, “I wasn’t crying! That was whining!”
Not the appropriate response, Lexi!

We’ve been having some anxiety issues with Tyler which have gotten worse since my diagnosis. Please keep us in prayer as we decide the best way to deal with them.

Yesterday Lexi sang in church. My parents came to hear her and to Nicole’s concert in the afternoon.

I have been thinking recently how God has been preparing us for this even when we didn’t know it.

You Never Let Go
(Matt Redman)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
CHORUS:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes

We’ll live to know You here on the earth (Chorus)
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes

Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2008
Verses of promise

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again. Psalm 71:20-21

I was thinking about the cancer again this morning and how I need to fight this. As I
opened my Bible this morning for my devotions, I opened right to the verses above. I’ve been
thinking about starting a section of verses of promise on here but it would get so long so maybe I will have to cruise the internet and find something to accommodate me.
A friend sent me a link to a story of a friend she knew. It brought tears to my eyes. It’s a survivor story of a woman who had it worse than I and made it through. It’s amazing how going through something like this just changes everything….how you look at things, how much you have, just everything.
I would like to raise awareness of this disease. Often Ovarian cancer does not have any symptoms until it has progressed to a high stage. If you have any symptoms that I have listed to the right, especially of IBS, please run to your doctor and insist upon at least an ultrasound for your peace of mind. They just wrote my symptoms off as this or that and just told me to take fiber pills and I wish so badly that I had insisted they check it out. They might have been able to find it earlier and get it before it had progressed too far.

As I was reading over my latest oncology report I received yesterday, I thought how in the world did I carry this monster and not realize it. No wonder I could not lose
weight! Till they removed it, it was basically the size of an oversized newborn.

I took off twenty pounds in a matter of a week so you know it had to be huge. I don’t care how much your doctor is ready to commit you for “imagining” you have this disease or that disease…. this disease is too silent and deadly to ignore. Run, don’t walk!

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2008
Spent the afternoon at the doctor’s office

I had fallen a few days after Thanksgiving. I’ve been having pain in my back around the right
shoulder blade. It’s worse when I lay down and have to get up or roll over. The dr. thinks I have a fracture He set me for x-rays. He should get the results tomorrow. Meanwhile, there isn’t really a treatment for it…. just treat for pain until it heals. He gave me a heavy pain pill/muscle relaxer for nighttime and told me it will knock me out…. that I should go to bed by 9 if I need to get up by 6.

He told me it should help with the pain and if something else is there, it will show up. (I asked him to make sure they check because now I am really paranoid about that.) The doctor. could tell just by looking at my back exactly where it hurt….it must have been swollen or something.
I am glad he gave me something to knock me out because while I was gone the oncologist called and asked me to return their call before 4:30 or tomorrow. I just missed it by 10 minutes and would probably wonder what they want all night.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2008
Oncologist moves up my pre-chemo appointment
The oncologist would like me to move my pre-chemo appointment to next Monday rather than wait until January. I don’t know why they are suddenly deciding to move on that and it makes me nervous….. They were supposed to get back to me about what letter it was in addition to a “3”. I haven’t heard about that yet. I was looking at the books that the cancer society sent me and it looks like it should be an a or b but I’m not sure. If it’s not in the lymph nodes like they say it wasn’t than it should not be a “c”…… I think.

I finally got a call from family doctor. The x-ray did not show a fracture or a tumor. However it did show a degenerative disk disease (aka-arthritis) which I tried to tell them a few years ago and got nowhere. I guess treatments will depend on how the chemo treatments go. It is very painful at night when I need to roll back and forth or get up. I am hoping this clears somewhat before I need to be bedridden for the chemo.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2008
Updates and Family Christmases

I went in to the oncologist appointment this morning. He has it set at stage 3a. I will need
inpatient chemotherapy but now he is saying it will only be one night compared to the two he told us last month.

To answer some questions I received, He wants me as inpatient to monitor my solitary kidney function and lung function. He did not have a schedule set up yet but I will be getting a call from his nurse to set up one tomorrow afternoon. He seemed very positive about it and was happy I looked so healthy.

It was not as bad as the one cancer they thought it could be. We were encouraged by that although we were discouraged, he did not know more. He said there is basically no way to really test my type of cancer to see if the chemo helped or if it returned so we have to play by ear. He also could not tell me how I will respond to it because everyone responds differently to it. I will update once I learn the schedule sometime after 3:00 tomorrow……

We have a large Nativity scene outside our house. Unfortunately there is no way of securing the three large plastic pieces so every time it’s windy they start blowing away. They can’t get far because they are mostly attached by an electrical cord. The other day I came home and seen Joseph laying over in the yard a bit away from the rest and I said, “There you go! Another absentee father!”

Walked out into the kitchen this weekend to see a huge hawk fly right into our double window. I
don’t know who was more surprised; me, the hawk or Coby…….at first I thought it was an owl and then realized it was a hawk. It seemed to stun it. Coby was going absolutely crazy. He wanted out in a major way. I think if I had turned him loose, he’d have gone after the hawk…. not sure who’d have won…. they have those sharp talons.

I needed to go to the bank today and one of the ladies who worked there also happened to be a neighbor from my childhood. She had also recovered from Ovarian cancer. She came over when she saw me and we swapped stories and she gave me a big hug before I left and told me if I needed to talk, she was available. Her cancer was a different type of Ovarian, but she was a Stage 3b as opposed to my 3a. It’s always encouraging to meet a survivor!

Throughout this whole thing we are going through we have been able to see His hand. Some gifts we had been receiving almost matched what Norm would have made in his second job if he’d have still been working. (He took time off from that to take care of me) I recently mentioned how He made sure Norm got his blood pressure under control.

The other day when I needed to go to the doctor. I wasn’t sure where I was going to get the money for the co-pay and any medication when I opened the mail and in it was enough for both. Then today we went to pay a bill and discovered someone already paid it so then we were able to pay another bill off. It’s just been incredible has God has been orchestrating this whole thing.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2008
And so we open the next chapter

We finally got the date set for the chemotherapy to begin. On January 6, I go to the oncologist for the pre-chemo appointment and bloodwork. On January 7 I get admitted to the hospital for the chemo.
She informed me when she confirmed it that she is reserving it for three days. I said, “Wait a minute, the doctor only told us two days!” They decided to give me an extra day if I needed it. They are being extra careful to watch the levels of my kidney and lung function. That seemed to be his main concern when we discussed it yesterday. I am glad he is showing extra concern for my kidney so I guess if I am stuck an extra day, I will have to try and not complain about it.

I was in to see my family doctor this morning. He said that, yes, while I do have arthritis in my back, he also believes I did injure my muscle back there from the fall….. Either a strain or tear or something.
Thankfully I have almost two weeks to not work and put extra strain on it.

My cousin visited tonight with his pastor. The pastor seemed really nice. They prayed for healing. We had a nice little chat as well.

A friend also stopped by with the itinerary for a weekend getaway for our family before the chemo treatments start. We leave the day after Christmas. It sounds really nice and the kids are really looking forward to it. I am looking forward to the hot tub because I think it will feel good on my back.

It’s just all so strange making arrangements for cancer treatments. I never would have imagined myself doing that. It’s made for a very strange Christmas. We got to talking about faith while my cousin’s pastor was here and I showed him the plaque that our pastor gave us. He told me that whenever the devil started attacking my mind I was to play praise music and let God minister to me and I told him that is what I already do and how I have this praise music on my blog.

December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve!

A Praise….. We got blessed 3 times this afternoon and evening……

Merry Christmas!

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 28, 2008
Last Sunday in 2008…..

Tyler was still at my sister’s house so I just took Lexi and Nicole to church this morning

This week has been a little stressful, to say the least. I remember thinking at one time, “God, what are you doing here? We don’t need this on top of everything else. The kids particularly didn’t need it.”

This coming week will prove to be busy, providing we don’t end up at the hospital again. All three kids have dentist appointments between Monday and Tuesday. Tyler also has his eye doctor appointment and we are touring the chemo unit on Tuesday. I am hoping Wednesday is quiet however Nicole has been asking to have a friend over that night. On Thursday we go to a family gathering with my mom’s side of the family and on Friday we attempt the family vacation that was disrupted this weekend.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 30, 2008
Appointments
That was basically today. Tyler had an early eye doctor appointment where he got fitted for glasses. He will mostly need them for school.

Also needed to go to the hospital tonight for a tour of the chemo unit. They have a nice facility but all the things she threw at me were overwhelming. She went over all my chemo drugs. The one drug will be hard on the kidney but they will give me a med and start me off on an IV of fluids to hydrate me so my kidney wouldn’t have to work as hard. Another drug will be hard on the lungs and could have possible long-term effects. The one also said it could make you not be able to hear high frequency sounds. I told her I already had a hearing loss where I couldn’t hear high frequency sounds and could my hearing get worse….. She said it might. That doesn’t bother me so much…… maybe that’s why God had put this interest in signing in me.

It still is hard to believe though. I can’t get over how I don’ feel sick. I feel good, actually….. And yet I have to go in next week to take meds that will make me feel sick so I can get better. It’s hard to make sense of it in my mind.
My back has been doing better. As long as I am careful getting out of bed, my back doesn’t throb in the morning like it did. I am hoping for complete healing there till next week for the chemo.

It sounds like we are going to have to be germ fanatics during this time. I am making a list of things I will need to buy at the store next grocery day. The nurse we saw tonight suggested things like Lysol wipes to wipe everything down like phones, remotes, etc. She also said I can bring comfort foods. I wasn’t sure all what I wanted to bring. We can’t keep refrigerated things more than a day.
Norm seems to be doing much better. The doctor said today that it was probably working in him for a while, but the aspirin aggravated it.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 1, 2009
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Today we went down to my mom’s side of the family for a gathering. We met in the activity room of a nursing home facility. There was also a pool for our use. My mom hadn’t felt good
overnight(Stomach virus) and my dad was really tired from also being up so we left early.

We leave tomorrow afternoon for our weekend away thanks to friends from church. We are heading to a resort south of Lancaster, PA. It worked out good as Saturday is also my birthday.

Not far from my mind is the upcoming chemo therapy next Wednesday. Please keep us in your
prayers.

Home Again!

We left on Friday afternoon for Willow Valley Resort south of Lancaster, PA.
We had tickets to go and see Miracle of Christmas at Sight and Sound Millenium Theater.
The set, including live animals and awesome special effects were amazing!

On Saturday we started at an Amish farm for a tour. We even took a buggy ride later.
Actually we first stopped at a shoe store to get some socks for me because I forgot to pack some and to replace my boots that came apart. I thought shopping was a great way to spend one’s vacation.

We came home and then took the kids for one last hurrah….. to the theater to see “Marley and I”. It was fun but all are very tired!

Not looking forward to this week. I start the chemo on Wednesday but must go to the doctor on Tuesday for tests and last-minute consultation. Please continue to keep us in your prayers!

Chemo tomorrow

We were at the oncologist this morning and had all tests done for tomorrow so we are set to go…….. however if it’s icy we may need to borrow some ice skates to get to the hospital tomorrow. 

Please keep us in prayer. I will be receiving the chemo – inpatient – for hopefully 3 days or less.  The oncologist also dropped the fact that he may increase the time for the next chemo treatment to five days if my body tolerates it this time. He also said it will be 3- 4 treatments.He did seem very optimistic that this should take care of it but time will tell as most of the spots, currently the size of a grain of rice and smaller, will be impossible to pick up on a scan.

He also announced that he just formed our county’s first Ovarian Cancer Forum or something like that and my bowling ball size tumor was their first subject of study……. I forget how many slides he said they had to look at. It was a lot. I wonder if I should get royalties from that…….. 

They said we could hook up our computers  there so I may try and take a borrowed laptop in and see if I can get it to work in there so I can keep everyone updated.

We cherish your prayers!  It is often that I feel down and then remember how many people are praying and it helps a lot!

Finally home

With Heavy Hearts

Ended up at dr this morning

Achin’ and painin’

Rock Star!

Today Tyler had a basketball game and after that we ran some errands.

Snowing today

Will we actually get snow this time? THAT is the question!

“Oh, no!” I groaned. Followed her downstairs to find the fish floating peacefully on it’s side. “I’m sorry, honey. Your fish died.”
“It died?” I nodded my head. “But why?”
“Well, I guess your fish was sick.”
“It was?……… Are you going to die, too?” That about broke my heart.