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The 7 Lies of Pornography

The Seven Lies of pornography

Lies Women Believe

There are several lies of pornography that women believe.

I have talked to several woman about pornography and the pain that it causes…. pain that no band-aid can cover up and fix.

It can cause the most excruciating heartache when discovered. And it is even worse when it is lied about.

Tracee Holmes* rings in, “I had to put an Internet Safe Filter on my computer – for my husband!”

How frustrating is it that a spouse cannot always be trusted in this? Unfortunately, the church is not immune to this!

According to the Church Militant a recent study by Proven Men Ministries found that as much as 64% of American Christian men admitted they viewed porn at least once a month.

Do the math! That is 2/3!

And you would not believe some of the lies about porn use coming out of Christian men and women’s mouths!

“I am doing this to make our sex life better.”

I am not sure whether I want to bust out laughing or be highly insulted. This was actually an excuse I heard a Mennonite woman give to rationalize her son’s viewing habits.

My first reaction? “Are… you… serious?!” Most women find the whole idea that her husband even thinks that is extremely offensive. For one, it suggests that she is not good enough for him. For two, it is a cop-out.

“I’m not hurting anyone.”

Yes, you are. You are hurting your wife for the same reasons as the point above. You are hurting your marriage by coming up with the idea that making love has to be all that. If it is all that, it is not making LOVE! Bringing a distorted view of sex into your marriage takes away the closeness. I know of a couple of marriages Porn has ruined.

“This is how God made me.”

Yes, it might be how He made you, but He also set limits! And we must not engage in sexual immorality as some of them did, causing 23,000 of them to die in one day. 1 Corinthians 10:8 Just because you like to swim doesn’t mean you should jump into a lake of fire.

“It’s not like I’m cheating or anything!”

Sorry, Charley, but YES YOU ARE. But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28. I think that is pretty self-explanatory.

“I pretend it’s my wife.”

Your eyes are seeing another woman and your mind is tricking itself into believing that the woman you see is your wife. It’s not, but oh, wow, she looks so much hotter this way! The problem with things like pornography is that it is in the mind and that is where Satan does his best work.

Galatians 5:16-21

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the Law.

Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 

“It creates intimacy.”

What is creates it unrealistic expectations that will never satisfy. Because his appetite is never satisfied, he does not escape his desires. Job 20:20

“Let’s look at it together.”

The problem with this? It becomes more about the fantasy and less about actually loving your spouse. It’s not making love. It’s just sex which removes the closeness you can feel with each other. God created Adam and Eve for the relationship, not so they can just “go and multiply.

So what’s a woman to do?

For one, she can look at herself in the mirror and say, “I am better than this. God made me special and my spouse’s addiction tells me I am not. I will not believe a lie!”

What are some things you can do?

1) Pray that all his thoughts be taken captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and that He is to think about whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy. (Philippians 4:8) That he makes a covenant with his eyes so he will not lustfully at another woman (Job 31:1) and that he will set no worthless thing before his eyes. (Psalm 101:3)

A Word of Caution 

I do, however caution you.  God has gifted us with free will and so he needs to want to change!  You are not responsible for his choices. 

2. See a counselor It will often help you to sort through your feelings and get the perspective of a professional. They can help you see that your husband’s actions are not a reflection on you and is his addiction and not your burden to bear.

3. Confide in a trusted friend. Spending time with them will help to put things into perspective. Two people are better than one. They can help each other in everything they do. Ecclesiastes 4:9

I can tell you from personal experience that pornography gives the man a false view of sex and can cause the wife to feel cheap and uncherished. It causes the man to hold to selfish expectations and alienates any woman to the point where the thought of sex totally turns her off. The focus will be on his “needs” and not the couple’s marital relationship and, as a result, no intimacy. Instead, it will bring about a resentment and despondency in the mind of the woman.

Verses that negate the lies of pornography:

But I can tell you that you are special to God, and he will not devalue you to negligibility.

Psalm 139:13-14

He created your inner being and knitted you together inside your mother. You are so amazingly and miraculously made!

Matthew 6:25-34

Do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 

You can, with confidence, draw near to the throne of grace and receive mercy and grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:15-16)


Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

*Names changed to protect privacy

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